Hallo, mein Name ist Jens und dieses Blog ist zum Scheitern verurteilt. Ich schreibe über alles, was mich bewegt.
Ort: Berlin, eine Metropole
I started a new pet project.
Often times I find myself paying bills for services and domains I don’t use anymore because I am not aware of them. Money that I’d rather save, or donate.
You can be very lonely with your actions at times.
You make decisions and you always expect an immediate outcome. Most of the time there won’t be. Nothing and nobody validates your doing. Do you keep walking or do you stop? Maybe one day you read a sentence, a tweet, meet that someone that makes sense of your actions.
This requires patience. As long as you cannot bring up that patience, you will look for immediate validation. You will look for challenges that guarantee fast results, and it does not matter if these are good or bad. You jump from stone to stone, you get nudged in a direction and it does not allow for making up your own mind easily. You are not alone though.
If you mark your own way, jump your own stones, maybe skip a few, you can be very lonely with your opinions at times. Will you stick to your approach or give up? Is it worth it? Often times you can’t sleep properly for days, wrestling your thoughts. They will get up again, and you will wrestle them again. One day it makes click and it either validates your thinking and doing or it won’t. And both is good because you found out yourself, on your own path. And you made other decisions based on that, which lead to other conclusions some people will never come about.
Validation is a dangerous drug. It can slow you down, keep you on the short leash. And it’s so, so tempting. Validation makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Praise, press, likes and all that sweet stuff.
Possibility, opportunity, chance, uncertainty, variables, instability, imbalance, ignorance, rush, fallacy, miss, finding/searching/poking, Tetris.
A year ago my dad and best friend moved to a place both very far away and closer to my heart than ever before. The reception is bad, I can hardly tell if he can hear me at all, but I just keep speaking and asking questions. Hoping that he will listen.
Some messages might take some time to arrive, so the answers.
Many questions have been answered over the course of a couple of weeks, some have been unanswered. It takes patience and focus to catch the messages through all that everyday noise. Sometimes I only catch a piece and fill out the blanks.
Some messages are words, some are clouds, some are sounds, some are people. Some are hard to read and need time to develop.
I keep them all and pass them on, because that is the least I can do.
Us, June 2012
Somewhere between Heimat and Berlin, May 2012
Usedom, April 2012